The joys came from seeing Marzia animated about a blog she was thinking of starting. I believe we all need a sense of purpose in our lives. And another joy came from how my novel plan is simply writing itself at the moment.

But by trepidations come from two phone calls I had. They were from the city’s hospital. I am to have a bronchoscopy in three weeks to look more closely at the shadows in my lungs. The registrar I saw says he is 95% certain that these are something called sarcoidosis. But the want to place a camera tube into my lungs to take a closer look. And they want to take pinhead sized samples.

But yesterday, the sun was shining, and the birds singing. We went past the school, where the children were being collected by mums. We went past the church and churchyard. We went down the track and back along the street.

What joys there are in the simple things!

And of that constructed by Mind, or at least “my” mind, I have had a breakthrough on my novel. I now for the first time have a workable, simple plot. For the first time in years of tweaking, rebooting and so on. Yay! Now to make the time to work on it properly.

And to finish, this story in the Daily Telegraph of a nun finding a rare flower under her washing machine.

I read an interesting post today comparing an aspect of Charles Darwin’s theory, and Buddhism. It looks at altruism and compassion for all living beings, not just human beings. It quotes from Paul Ekman’s website, from Darwin, on how we feel sympathy for “lower animals”. Paul Ekman has also said that he read the quote to the Dalai Lama. He was surprised by the phrase “towards all sentient beings” in Darwin’s book. This is the compassion shown by a bodhisattva – a Buddhist saint.

You can read the post here.

And I saw a salient video from here, which I include below.

(Finally, I may not be able to post diary entries for the next week or two. The same goes for updating the notes.)

In December, I moved in with Marzia from my flat. We now live together in a small bungalow in a lovely village. But we’ve both been ill for almost a month. And now we’re starting to get “cabin fever”.

I’m someone who needs to unwind alone, having space and time to himself. In technical jargon, I’m an introvert. Marzia is more an extrovert. Today, I’m feeling grumpy and keep slipping out unmindful, hurtful words. Next week, her children are coming for the half-term holiday. And I’ve been having a lot of migraines. So things feel strained.

We have a “den” – a large shed, insulated, damp-proofed, with an electricity supply. But we’ve been so ill on and off since the move, it’s basically a storage area. So my “escape place” isn’t ready yet.

Yes, I’m definitely feeling the need for “my own space” now. Maybe I should just be more reticent about speaking before speaking?

An interesting post I read today is by Dr Chris Kang. He is a clinical occupational therapist, with a host of training in Buddhist philosophy and meditation. His post, of Monday 8th, is available here: http://awarenesscafe.blogspot.com/2010/02/mindfulness-and-mind-science.html

He raises an interesting question: Is the “mindfulness” popular in clinical psychology the same as that as “understood, taught, and practiced [sic] by the Buddha and his disciples”? One could ask if the popular books in the West write of “authentic” Buddhism too.

Dr Kang writes:

“Contemporary mindfulness is often exclusively defined as intentional, non-judgmental, open and defused, present-moment attention of private experience, or a similitude of this in slightly different words. I would not argue with the beneficial effects of such ‘simple awareness’ or ‘bare attention’ of experience but wonder if reducing mindfulness to simply that does any justice to the Buddha, Buddhist mind training, or to people using mindfulness to heal their minds. The Dalai Lama and others have described Buddhism as ‘mind science’, suggesting that studying, understanding, transforming, and liberating the mind stands at the core of what the Buddha’s teachings are all about.

“…Are there dimensions of mindfulness we have forgotten or yet to investigate due to the euphoria of jumping on the mindfulness bandwagon? Are there connexions between mindfulness and other mental factors crucial to the integrated and balanced development of the mind? Are there motivational and ethical frameworks to be considered in attempting to apply mindfulness for therapeutic change? Is mindfulness simply a therapeutic device or existential way of being in the world stripped of all soteriological (i.e. pertaining to ultimate, unconditional, lasting freedom from suffering) and emancipatory (i.e. opening up the full potential of the mind) power?”

I wonder about this generally. When first starting out as a Buddhist some years ago, I read a range of English books “on Buddhism”. Many of these offer the author’s opinion. But they were light on quotations from original sources. I suspect that this has to do with publishers’ wants. How many people would want to buy a book written in flowery language with much repetition? After all, repetition aided memory when the discourses of the Buddha were transmitted verbally. But surely a serious student of the Buddha and the later Masters need these discourses and commentaries? Isn’t this more so when one has no personal access to a Teacher?

1. Not to kill or injure living creatures.
2. Not to take what has not been given.
3. To avoid misconduct in sensual (or sexual) matters.
4. To abstain from false speech.
5. Not to take intoxicants.

In the past I have killed animals, such as spiders and insects. I have employed a pest remover to kill mice. I have copied and kept recordings of films and computer programs in the past. I had an affair with a married woman. I have lied, and have a sarcastic streak. I still drink alcohol, though not deliberately to excess.

Something for me to reflect upon.

I’ve also seen this video of a Japanese Buddhist monk who does hip-hop rap. He does this to try to bring more people to Buddhism! I guess I’m not the only one guilty of sarcasm though, listening to the commentator.

• Firstly, please be aware that I keep the copyright on my diary entries (all rights reserved).
• Secondly, if you have constructive comments, you’re most welcome. Please note that I moderate all comments. So there will be a delay between your writing and your comment’s appearing.
• Mix Vargen is not my real name. I made it up. In the same way, place names and names of other people are made up too. Please respect our anonymity to respect our privacy. Besides, we’re not that interesting!
• Finally, in case you haven’t realised, I also keep my Pure Land Zen notes online. These are on another blog.

Now just a little background about me to get going…

I’m male, middle-aged and live in England. I’m unable to work because of frequent and severe migraine. The cause of this isn’t certain. It could be because of a physical injury. It is frustrating, but leaves me time to pursue things I wouldn’t be able to. So I spend my time like this.

• Helping my wage-earning partner, Marzia.
• Writing a support site for fellow sufferers of neurological problems.
• Following, seeking and meditating Pure Land Zen Buddhism. These are often taken to be two branches of Buddhism. I think of myself as a beginner at both.

That’s it! Now onwards with my day to day musings.

The first event is that I had blood taken for blood tests. A recent chest x-ray it showed enlarged lymph glands and a mass of some kind. The doctor thinks it’s probably an infection. But as with these things they “query” more serious possibilities. These are a “calcified” sarcoidosis, or a lymphoma. Lovely. Hence the blood tests, before a chest outpatient appointment in the city hospital on Friday. How I dislike needles! I’m glad it’s over (I’m such a whimp)!

The second event was the last ever night launch of the American space shuttle. It’s the beginning of the end of an era, as NASA will retire the shuttles soon. You can see a video of the launch below (from You-Tube).

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